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"It's kinda weird. You're one of the first people to talk to me like a normal person. I mean, I know I've seen you a few times before; but I haven't really gotten to talk to you."
I smile and turn my head to look at him. I end up staring directly into his eyes. I feel my face flush and hope he doesn't notice in the dim lighting. "Well, you ARE a normal person; right?" He sighs a little and looks out across the parking lot. I look out across the parking lot as well and we stand together in silence.
A low thumping noise can be heard coming from the bar behind us. Anymore, if you want a cigarette, you have to go outside and behind a building to the "Smoker's Area". It's nice that we have our own out-of-the-way designated spot, even though the same people who bitch about smoke are inside inhaling gallons of synthetic smoke. I don't mind that much though. That's how I ran into him tonight. I was outside having my usual hourly nicotine fix and he came outside for one too.
"I don't usually smoke... but tonight I need one." he says, breaking my internal rant.
"What's different about tonight?" I ask.
"I don't have the cops watching over me." he chuckles as he takes the last drag from his cigarette and tosses it into the ashtray. "Wanna hang out with me and have another?"
I look at my cigarette and realize it put itself out. I toss it into the ashtray as well and light another one. "Damn cigarettes keep smoking themselves." I joke. He smiles his goofy smile and lights his.
He gets quiet again and his face looks as if he is searching for something deep and profound to say. "Uhhh..." he musters, "Yeah. I guess I might seem pretty normal."
"What?" I ask, obviously confused.
"You asked if I was normal. I look normal, right?"
I smile, "Well, yeah. I don't see why not. Why wouldn't you be normal?"
He sighs again. "It's nice having a break from the cops."
"I know you don't mean actual cops, so who are you talking about?" I ask him.
"My parents. I'm not allowed to do much when I go out. Lately, I haven't even been able to hang out with my friends."
I must've had a confused look on my face, because he continues. "Recently, I've come to terms with some things. It's made me less normal than my parents would like me to be. They're extremely conservative... my dad even is part of the NRA. Said if he ever found out I was having those kind of thoughts again, he'd kill me. Scarily enough, I believe him." He takes in a long drag of his cigarette and let's it gently roll out of his mouth, not even once looking at me.
I understand exactly what he's trying to say. "That fucking sucks. It's okay though. Your still normal. Otherwise, I must be fucked up too."
As soon as I said that, he looked directly into my face. "Yer kidding me. You don't seem to be... yanno." I partially smile, "Well... guess not everyone is exactly as they seem. Whether it's right or wrong." He smiles back at me and his vibrant brown eyes peer directly into mine. I feel my face flush again and I look back across the parking lot.
I take another drag off of my cigarette and he does the same. "I'm serious about my dad though... It's scary as shit sometimes. I'm terrified that one of these times, I'm going to be the topic of some news broadcast about how a father killed his son because of.."
I interrupt, "Nah. It won't happen. I'd protect ya." He smiles and looks into my face again, "Why would you do that?"
I flush again slightly but keep my stance, "Well... I know we don't know each other that well aside from the club and bar scene and what not. But, I've kinda always... I dunno. Well, it's like... shit, I dunno what I'm talking about." I take another drag from my cigarette and look back to the same blank spot on the pavement that I've been looking at for most of the night. I hear him clear his throat and I look over to him. His eyes look shiny in the dim lighting. I step over to him and wrap my arms around him.
"It's okay. I understand." I tell him. My entire body flushes with warmth and nervousness.
"That's the reason why I needed a cigarette tonight. I needed to see you again." he says in a hushed voice.
I could feel my breath stop in my chest, "Really?" He replies with an audible smile, "Yeah." He cautiously wraps his arms around my back but then clings on so tightly that I can't tell if it's embrace or my emotions that are keeping my from breathing. We hold each other quietly for a few moments. I can feel the warmth of his face pressed against my neck. It feels like everything that usually matters doesn't anymore. Anything I would normally ramble about escapes me; even my usually bad-timed humor I use to make situations less tense.
Footstep noises scrape the pavement as they approach our designated area. We quickly brake our embrace and I turn to the noise. "You fucking faggot." says the owner of the footsteps. I feel my face blanch as I recognized that it's his father. "I trust you for one night and you queer it up! I swear to God, Shawn... No son of mine is.."
I take a step forward, "Sir, it's nothing like..."
"SHUT UP HOMO! Nobody wants to listen to your queer bullshit!"
"Dad, he didn't do anything!" Shawn protests.
"All you faggots are the same! My son ain't no faggot! You are shit! You are nothing! I've had enough of this bull shit! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" His father reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small hand gun.
"Fuck! RUN!" I yell as I push Shawn into the opposite direction. Shawn takes off running and I quickly lunge onto his father, knocking him to the ground. "Get off me you fucking queer!" he screams. We struggle on the ground as I try to throw punches wherever and whenever I can so I can get the gun away. A sudden punch to my cheek leaves me stunned, giving his father a chance to get a better hold on the gun. Realizing I won't get the gun away from him; I slug him in the face with all my strength. I stun him in return and take off running in Shawn's direction.
Shawn had hidden behind a car at the furthest end of the vast parking lot. Luckily, the parking lot was full; so it was an easy place to hide. He comes out from behind his hiding spot and waves to me. I walk towards him, "It's okay. I got away, but we gotta go!" He nods and looks around to see where we can escape to. Suddenly, there's a loud popping sound as if someone's car had backfired. I feel my heart jump into my throat and at that instant everything goes completely silent. I stand there for a few seconds, trying to see if I had gone deaf. I look into Shawn's face and in a sort of slow-motion I see it twist into an exaggerated look of anguish. The back of my shirt suddenly feels wet. I turn around to see what splashed on me and there in the distance stands his father looking right at us. His arm outstretched, holding an object that I can't quite see in the low lighting.
Everything continues to be stuck in a slow-motion style. Things begin to cloud, like my eyes are starting to fill with tears. But I'm not crying. His father turns around and runs the other direction. It was almost humorous. Like he was a mime impersonating a runner. My knees begin to weaken and I collapse to the ground.
Things start to seem like choppy scenes of a movie. Like a VHS Tape that has been overplayed and is about to snap. I can feel Shawn trying to sit me up and lean me against him. I tilt my head back to look into his face and see that his eyes are red and watery. Why was he crying? I reach up to touch his cheek and I can see that his mouth is moving as if he's saying something, but I hear no sounds. Not the screams of the woman walking out of the bar who sees me lying there. Not the mournful cries for help from Shawn. Nothing.
I try to ask him why he's crying, but no words come out of my mouth. It saddens me... those beautiful deep brown eyes shouldn't be tainted with tears... I notice that it seems to be getting darker outside. I understand. If this is what dying is like, then life truly was worth it. Because it led me to this very moment. This perfect time. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth that I feel from Shawn's body... the gentleness I feel from his hand on my cheek... the gentle rocking of him and I together... I said I'd protect you...
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The warmth against my body never left me. I still feel the warmth of his hand intertwined with mine. It starts to get brighter outside. But, it wasn't the kind of brightness you enjoy in the summer sun. I open my eyes slightly, but the brightness hurts my eyes. It takes a few moments, but I finally get them to stay open without fluttering. I look around and noticed I'm not outside. I'm in some sort of big white room on an extremely uncomfortable bed. Well, not entirely uncomfortable. I'm still leaning against Shawn.
His eyes are still filled with tears and redness. His face no longer holds the awful twisted image. Instead there is a tired smile. "He's awake! He's awake!!" I hear him exclaim. His voice... I can hear that deep alluring voice that I'd fallen in love with again. He wraps his arms around me and I can hear him sob softly. A woman in a colorful smock runs into the room and smiles brightly. She looks at some machine that's on the side of my bed and nods to Shawn. He lets out a huge sigh. She then walks out of the room without saying a word to me. I'm barely able to get my voice to work, but finally manage to ask, "Where am I?" Shawn whispers, "In my arms."
I smile and turn my head to look at him. I end up staring directly into his eyes. I feel my face flush and hope he doesn't notice in the dim lighting. "Well, you ARE a normal person; right?" He sighs a little and looks out across the parking lot. I look out across the parking lot as well and we stand together in silence.
A low thumping noise can be heard coming from the bar behind us. Anymore, if you want a cigarette, you have to go outside and behind a building to the "Smoker's Area". It's nice that we have our own out-of-the-way designated spot, even though the same people who bitch about smoke are inside inhaling gallons of synthetic smoke. I don't mind that much though. That's how I ran into him tonight. I was outside having my usual hourly nicotine fix and he came outside for one too.
"I don't usually smoke... but tonight I need one." he says, breaking my internal rant.
"What's different about tonight?" I ask.
"I don't have the cops watching over me." he chuckles as he takes the last drag from his cigarette and tosses it into the ashtray. "Wanna hang out with me and have another?"
I look at my cigarette and realize it put itself out. I toss it into the ashtray as well and light another one. "Damn cigarettes keep smoking themselves." I joke. He smiles his goofy smile and lights his.
He gets quiet again and his face looks as if he is searching for something deep and profound to say. "Uhhh..." he musters, "Yeah. I guess I might seem pretty normal."
"What?" I ask, obviously confused.
"You asked if I was normal. I look normal, right?"
I smile, "Well, yeah. I don't see why not. Why wouldn't you be normal?"
He sighs again. "It's nice having a break from the cops."
"I know you don't mean actual cops, so who are you talking about?" I ask him.
"My parents. I'm not allowed to do much when I go out. Lately, I haven't even been able to hang out with my friends."
I must've had a confused look on my face, because he continues. "Recently, I've come to terms with some things. It's made me less normal than my parents would like me to be. They're extremely conservative... my dad even is part of the NRA. Said if he ever found out I was having those kind of thoughts again, he'd kill me. Scarily enough, I believe him." He takes in a long drag of his cigarette and let's it gently roll out of his mouth, not even once looking at me.
I understand exactly what he's trying to say. "That fucking sucks. It's okay though. Your still normal. Otherwise, I must be fucked up too."
As soon as I said that, he looked directly into my face. "Yer kidding me. You don't seem to be... yanno." I partially smile, "Well... guess not everyone is exactly as they seem. Whether it's right or wrong." He smiles back at me and his vibrant brown eyes peer directly into mine. I feel my face flush again and I look back across the parking lot.
I take another drag off of my cigarette and he does the same. "I'm serious about my dad though... It's scary as shit sometimes. I'm terrified that one of these times, I'm going to be the topic of some news broadcast about how a father killed his son because of.."
I interrupt, "Nah. It won't happen. I'd protect ya." He smiles and looks into my face again, "Why would you do that?"
I flush again slightly but keep my stance, "Well... I know we don't know each other that well aside from the club and bar scene and what not. But, I've kinda always... I dunno. Well, it's like... shit, I dunno what I'm talking about." I take another drag from my cigarette and look back to the same blank spot on the pavement that I've been looking at for most of the night. I hear him clear his throat and I look over to him. His eyes look shiny in the dim lighting. I step over to him and wrap my arms around him.
"It's okay. I understand." I tell him. My entire body flushes with warmth and nervousness.
"That's the reason why I needed a cigarette tonight. I needed to see you again." he says in a hushed voice.
I could feel my breath stop in my chest, "Really?" He replies with an audible smile, "Yeah." He cautiously wraps his arms around my back but then clings on so tightly that I can't tell if it's embrace or my emotions that are keeping my from breathing. We hold each other quietly for a few moments. I can feel the warmth of his face pressed against my neck. It feels like everything that usually matters doesn't anymore. Anything I would normally ramble about escapes me; even my usually bad-timed humor I use to make situations less tense.
Footstep noises scrape the pavement as they approach our designated area. We quickly brake our embrace and I turn to the noise. "You fucking faggot." says the owner of the footsteps. I feel my face blanch as I recognized that it's his father. "I trust you for one night and you queer it up! I swear to God, Shawn... No son of mine is.."
I take a step forward, "Sir, it's nothing like..."
"SHUT UP HOMO! Nobody wants to listen to your queer bullshit!"
"Dad, he didn't do anything!" Shawn protests.
"All you faggots are the same! My son ain't no faggot! You are shit! You are nothing! I've had enough of this bull shit! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" His father reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small hand gun.
"Fuck! RUN!" I yell as I push Shawn into the opposite direction. Shawn takes off running and I quickly lunge onto his father, knocking him to the ground. "Get off me you fucking queer!" he screams. We struggle on the ground as I try to throw punches wherever and whenever I can so I can get the gun away. A sudden punch to my cheek leaves me stunned, giving his father a chance to get a better hold on the gun. Realizing I won't get the gun away from him; I slug him in the face with all my strength. I stun him in return and take off running in Shawn's direction.
Shawn had hidden behind a car at the furthest end of the vast parking lot. Luckily, the parking lot was full; so it was an easy place to hide. He comes out from behind his hiding spot and waves to me. I walk towards him, "It's okay. I got away, but we gotta go!" He nods and looks around to see where we can escape to. Suddenly, there's a loud popping sound as if someone's car had backfired. I feel my heart jump into my throat and at that instant everything goes completely silent. I stand there for a few seconds, trying to see if I had gone deaf. I look into Shawn's face and in a sort of slow-motion I see it twist into an exaggerated look of anguish. The back of my shirt suddenly feels wet. I turn around to see what splashed on me and there in the distance stands his father looking right at us. His arm outstretched, holding an object that I can't quite see in the low lighting.
Everything continues to be stuck in a slow-motion style. Things begin to cloud, like my eyes are starting to fill with tears. But I'm not crying. His father turns around and runs the other direction. It was almost humorous. Like he was a mime impersonating a runner. My knees begin to weaken and I collapse to the ground.
Things start to seem like choppy scenes of a movie. Like a VHS Tape that has been overplayed and is about to snap. I can feel Shawn trying to sit me up and lean me against him. I tilt my head back to look into his face and see that his eyes are red and watery. Why was he crying? I reach up to touch his cheek and I can see that his mouth is moving as if he's saying something, but I hear no sounds. Not the screams of the woman walking out of the bar who sees me lying there. Not the mournful cries for help from Shawn. Nothing.
I try to ask him why he's crying, but no words come out of my mouth. It saddens me... those beautiful deep brown eyes shouldn't be tainted with tears... I notice that it seems to be getting darker outside. I understand. If this is what dying is like, then life truly was worth it. Because it led me to this very moment. This perfect time. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth that I feel from Shawn's body... the gentleness I feel from his hand on my cheek... the gentle rocking of him and I together... I said I'd protect you...
------------
The warmth against my body never left me. I still feel the warmth of his hand intertwined with mine. It starts to get brighter outside. But, it wasn't the kind of brightness you enjoy in the summer sun. I open my eyes slightly, but the brightness hurts my eyes. It takes a few moments, but I finally get them to stay open without fluttering. I look around and noticed I'm not outside. I'm in some sort of big white room on an extremely uncomfortable bed. Well, not entirely uncomfortable. I'm still leaning against Shawn.
His eyes are still filled with tears and redness. His face no longer holds the awful twisted image. Instead there is a tired smile. "He's awake! He's awake!!" I hear him exclaim. His voice... I can hear that deep alluring voice that I'd fallen in love with again. He wraps his arms around me and I can hear him sob softly. A woman in a colorful smock runs into the room and smiles brightly. She looks at some machine that's on the side of my bed and nods to Shawn. He lets out a huge sigh. She then walks out of the room without saying a word to me. I'm barely able to get my voice to work, but finally manage to ask, "Where am I?" Shawn whispers, "In my arms."
