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Everything was calm... comforting... the only thing I could see was the faint blue moonlight that barely found it's way through my bedroom window. A crisp, yet gentle breeze would occasionally glide through the room; tickling my already cool skin. Breaking any sequence of thoughts I had cascading in my mind. My eyes staring at the ceiling; or at least into the darkness where my ceiling was. It was late... the night was cold, only recently from the departure of the summer heat. And at this moment, regardless of how much my mind was trying to torment me, I felt unusual tranquility. The silence was almost deafening and left my ears with an aching feeling. The silence of the sleeping world... beautiful yet lonely.
As the moon slowly shifted through the sky as if stretching comfortably in it's sleep; the faint blue moonlight became more luminescent. The room painted in a haunting glow yet leaving the room's contents unidentifiable. I didn't want to identify anything... not the contents of my room... not my previous collage of thoughts that were seeping back into my mind... not the feelings that I thought I had forgotten but somehow in the past days had found solace in my heart.
I turned my head so gently... so quietly as not to make a sound. With the haunting blue, I was slightly able to make out his facial features. Peaceful. Calm. Lost in sleep. The same sleep that I was only awhile ago trying to find. The more I watched him slumber, the more his features became prominent. A blank countenance with the hint of a smile at the far corner of his lips. He looked almost like a statue. The kind you would see in a cemetery in the middle of the night. The only light being the same haunting blue that visited me now. I reached over to place my hand upon his chest; only to stop short when a sudden sleepy sigh rushed through his body. I pulled my hand back and continued to gaze on the living poetry.
I closed my eyes and prayed that maybe this time I might find my happy ending. That this wasn't the same as it always had been. That maybe this wasn't a dream for once. A dream... Was I in a dream? That would be the easiest explanation. That would also be the safest... safest for me... for him... for our mental well-being... for our hearts... I could feel a tear force it's way past my closed lids... I cautiously reached up and crushed it... It's been awhile since I've felt something like this. I rubbed the tear between my fingers until they were dry. I'd prefer if I hadn't felt like this for awhile longer... perhaps until I wouldn't wake again.
I wish it were easier to smile when everything was like this... and smiling is what I should be wanting to do. But, fear keeps that smile from forming. Memories. Pain. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you know that you could have stopped it. What I would give to be able to feel sorry for myself and actually have it mean something aside from pure selfishness. Then again, self-pity is just that... selfish.
I feel a warmth upon my chest. “Hey.” I turn my head and I see him watching me. “Hey...” The faint smile he once wore had become more loving... more gentle... just... more. I could hear soft raindrops starting to fall through the trees outside my window. The world wasn't waking up; but gently rustling in it's sleep.
“It's going to be okay... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.” Another tear escapes my eye. I smile cause I know soon I'm going to have to wake from this dream. I respond in a whisper; “Please don't... Don't try to make me feel better. Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken. I'm just... I'll be okay.” He continues to smile and nods. He leans in just so that our lips can feel each others warmth without touching. We share the same breath. I close my eyes again. Please God... don't let me wake up. “But, you have to.” Our lips touch. His warmth is my warmth. The smoothness of his lips embrace the smoothness of mine. The warmth of his hand now on my cheek.
A kiss that holds eternity in a moment. More discourse of lachrymose... “You have to awaken... It can't be like this always.” I suppress the other tears that I feel being conceived in my heart. I feel the warmth of the morning light pressing into my eyes. The haziness of my mind becoming aware...
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling that's no longer a void of darkness. The sun had taken the moon's place for awhile now. I wondered how long I had been asleep. I wondered why God left my prayer unanswered and couldn't have left me in happiness. I felt the ache in my chest of remaining tears to be born.
“Hey.” I feel my chest tighten as if my heart wanted to collapse in on itself. I turn my head and there I see him watching me. A shuddered gasp rushes into my lungs. “Hey...” He smiles gently and I can feel one forcing its way to the corner of my lips. “You look Angelic when you sleep. I was watching you as you slept... and in the light of the sunrise... you reminded me of one of those beautiful statues you see in a cemetery. Haunting yet soothing...” A humored breath rushes past my lips and the smile becomes more subtle. “What's wrong?” Suddenly, I realized I wasn't sleeping. He's still here... all that was left of my dream last night remained.
Response to my silence, “I'm not going anywhere.” I feel coolness upon my cheek. His skin chilled from the night air. He tilts my head so that I'm looking into his eyes. No words. He leans in and our lips once again caress. Sometimes it's easier to let your heart do the living and let your thoughts sleep.
As the moon slowly shifted through the sky as if stretching comfortably in it's sleep; the faint blue moonlight became more luminescent. The room painted in a haunting glow yet leaving the room's contents unidentifiable. I didn't want to identify anything... not the contents of my room... not my previous collage of thoughts that were seeping back into my mind... not the feelings that I thought I had forgotten but somehow in the past days had found solace in my heart.
I turned my head so gently... so quietly as not to make a sound. With the haunting blue, I was slightly able to make out his facial features. Peaceful. Calm. Lost in sleep. The same sleep that I was only awhile ago trying to find. The more I watched him slumber, the more his features became prominent. A blank countenance with the hint of a smile at the far corner of his lips. He looked almost like a statue. The kind you would see in a cemetery in the middle of the night. The only light being the same haunting blue that visited me now. I reached over to place my hand upon his chest; only to stop short when a sudden sleepy sigh rushed through his body. I pulled my hand back and continued to gaze on the living poetry.
I closed my eyes and prayed that maybe this time I might find my happy ending. That this wasn't the same as it always had been. That maybe this wasn't a dream for once. A dream... Was I in a dream? That would be the easiest explanation. That would also be the safest... safest for me... for him... for our mental well-being... for our hearts... I could feel a tear force it's way past my closed lids... I cautiously reached up and crushed it... It's been awhile since I've felt something like this. I rubbed the tear between my fingers until they were dry. I'd prefer if I hadn't felt like this for awhile longer... perhaps until I wouldn't wake again.
I wish it were easier to smile when everything was like this... and smiling is what I should be wanting to do. But, fear keeps that smile from forming. Memories. Pain. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you know that you could have stopped it. What I would give to be able to feel sorry for myself and actually have it mean something aside from pure selfishness. Then again, self-pity is just that... selfish.
I feel a warmth upon my chest. “Hey.” I turn my head and I see him watching me. “Hey...” The faint smile he once wore had become more loving... more gentle... just... more. I could hear soft raindrops starting to fall through the trees outside my window. The world wasn't waking up; but gently rustling in it's sleep.
“It's going to be okay... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.” Another tear escapes my eye. I smile cause I know soon I'm going to have to wake from this dream. I respond in a whisper; “Please don't... Don't try to make me feel better. Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken. I'm just... I'll be okay.” He continues to smile and nods. He leans in just so that our lips can feel each others warmth without touching. We share the same breath. I close my eyes again. Please God... don't let me wake up. “But, you have to.” Our lips touch. His warmth is my warmth. The smoothness of his lips embrace the smoothness of mine. The warmth of his hand now on my cheek.
A kiss that holds eternity in a moment. More discourse of lachrymose... “You have to awaken... It can't be like this always.” I suppress the other tears that I feel being conceived in my heart. I feel the warmth of the morning light pressing into my eyes. The haziness of my mind becoming aware...
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling that's no longer a void of darkness. The sun had taken the moon's place for awhile now. I wondered how long I had been asleep. I wondered why God left my prayer unanswered and couldn't have left me in happiness. I felt the ache in my chest of remaining tears to be born.
“Hey.” I feel my chest tighten as if my heart wanted to collapse in on itself. I turn my head and there I see him watching me. A shuddered gasp rushes into my lungs. “Hey...” He smiles gently and I can feel one forcing its way to the corner of my lips. “You look Angelic when you sleep. I was watching you as you slept... and in the light of the sunrise... you reminded me of one of those beautiful statues you see in a cemetery. Haunting yet soothing...” A humored breath rushes past my lips and the smile becomes more subtle. “What's wrong?” Suddenly, I realized I wasn't sleeping. He's still here... all that was left of my dream last night remained.
Response to my silence, “I'm not going anywhere.” I feel coolness upon my cheek. His skin chilled from the night air. He tilts my head so that I'm looking into his eyes. No words. He leans in and our lips once again caress. Sometimes it's easier to let your heart do the living and let your thoughts sleep.
